- LILACS -
 
 
The sweet fragrance of lilacs snapped me out of my trance. I remembered what I was here for.  Unfortunately, a close friend of the family had left us to handle the final arrangements of his estate.  He had been a friend of the family as far back as I can remember.  I think when I was young I even use to call him uncle Ed. Ed was a very good friend to my father, but since my father was just recovering from major surgery himself, my father asked me to handle this last detail of the estate.  Ed owned a cabin on a lake in the Catskill mountains. I needed to take inventory and arrange for it to be sold.
 
My dad said I had been here before, but I had no recollection of ever being here. When ever I tried to get more information about my visits here, it seemed like he avoided the question.  He would just say that there use to be wolves here and I was scared of them.  The place did sit back far from the main town.  Pulling into the closest town, I had to ask directions to the lake.  After many wrong turns and backtracking, I finally found the road to the lake, and after some searching, found Ed's cabin.
 
I arrived late and started to look around to get a feel of the place.  It wasn't a very big place. There was a main room with some pieces of furniture. There was a small kitchen that you entered from the main room. Off the kitchen was a pantry or mud room with some shelves. A little window let sun shine through from it's high placement. That's where I was. Off the far end of the main room were 2 very small bedrooms with very uncomfortable looking beds. Hmmm. I didn't see a bathroom!  Too rustic for my liking.
 
I figured I would just make a scratch in getting things done, stay at a motel in town, and then return in the morning for a full day.  I went through drawers trying to find anything of value. Nothing much really turned up. I did find a scrap book with some newspaper clippings in it. I threw it in the box I was making and decided to take it back to the motel with me.  Before leaving, I closed the little window that I had opened earlier to let in some fresh air.  The room was musky smelling.  I locked it and also locked the front door.
 
On the way back to the motel I picked up something to eat. I was too tired to go out and eat.  It was quite a long drive up here.  I plopped down on the bed and quickly devoured what I had gotten.  The TV was more noise than anything.  I really wasn't paying any attention.  I think I actually dozed off for a while.  The call of having to go to the bathroom probably woke me up.  While in there I decided to get ready for bed.
 
I picked up the scrap book as I head back to the bed.  Propping myself up on 3 pillows, laying there, I started to go through the scrap book. Most of the clippings were about local people.  "Jake Madison Catches 9LBS Bass!"  "David Fender Hits Tree, Totals Car."  Exciting news worth keeping.  "Girl Says Wolf Scared Her"  I was waiting to find something about aliens landing and having a bbq in town. The dust from the clippings and the effects of the day were taking their toll.  It was time for some sleep.
 
I never woke up the entire night.  The following morning I was completely rested and ready to go.  A long hot shower would be the perfect way to start this day.  The hot water cascading down my back felt so good.  The soap soothed my aching muscles.  The sweet smell of the shampoo filled the shower.  Mmmmm, what is that smell?  I tried to figure out what the scent was. Duh!  It's lilacs. The scent just drilled through my nose and jolted my brain.  It was so powerful.  It smelled like smelling salts. Like it electrified my brain.  A wolf staring at me popped into my brain.  Wow! What was that all about?   I pushed the thought out and continued my shower ritual.  I thought of how I should approach today.  Putting the shampoo away, my senses picked up the fragrance of lilacs.  There was the wolf again! Staring at me. Like it was laughing at me.  "Get a grip, Denise" I said to myself.
 
I got dressed, picked up a few things, and headed for the car.  The trip to the cabin this time was much quicker since I didn't make 10 wrong turns.  The coffee helped clear my mind.  The familiar smell of coffee is just such a nice smell.  It was a bright sunny day.  Looking at the cabin from the outside in the brightness made it look more appealing than yesterday.  It was actually a pretty little cabin.  The birds sang their song.  Butterflies flitted around from flower to flower.  Bees could be heard buzzing.  Get to work, Dee Dee!
 
I started my busy day sifting through all the piles of papers, magazines, & junk that were piled all over the place in the 2 small bedrooms. The dust was causing me to sneeze and choke.  Finished with the bedrooms, I really didn't find anything that I found necessary to keep.  I next took on the task of the main room.  As in the bedrooms, piles of what I thought was junk, were stacked in every corner.  By noon I had completely worked my way through the room.  I broke for lunch. Taking my store bought sandwich and yogurt outside, I sat in the sun enjoying the view of the lake.  A gentle soft warm breeze added to this wonderful sunny day.  I felt like spending the rest of the day outside, but I knew I needed to finish the reason I was here.  Walking back to the cabin, I could smell the sweet fragrance of the lilacs next to the cabin. A staring wolf flashed into my mind!!  I jumped. His eyes stared into my soul. I felt my pulse rise and felt flushed.
 
I hurried into the cabin and shut the screen door.  My heart was pounding!  Why?  Wolves?  What was this all about?  Such a lovely place with the sweet scent of lilacs in the air and the horrid visions of wolves.  It didn't make sense.  I must be losing my mind.  I just must be over-tired.  Getting back to work will keep my mind busy.  I finished the main room and the kitchen in 2 hours.  I only had the pantry/mud room to do and then I would be done.  I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
 
I left this little room off the kitchen to last because it was dark and musky.  The thought of spiders crossed my mind and I was no friend to those!  I pushed myself through the door.  Ug! I wasn't looking forward to this challenge.  I closed the creaky old door behind me in order to see what was hidden behind it.  The room was cramped.  Behind the door were some old crates that were empty.  On the floor was something that resembled a dog bed. I was sure there were spiders lurking in it and decided to avoid it at all costs.  I looked around on the shelves near the door. There were some old cans and jars that needed to be thrown out.  The dust was thick.  Everything needed a good scrubbing.
 
I turned to the right and worked my way down to the shelves at the opposite end.  The small window above let in enough light to see what I was doing.  I didn't want to open the window because last night I had trouble closing it since it was so worn.  I started going through the mess that was on the shelves.  Papers were just stuffed in.  There was no organization at all.  I guess Ed was a typical man.  I found some more loose clippings laying around.  Some on the floor.  "Martin & Clemson, Married"  "Town Board Says NO to Development"  "Pork Prices Down!"  Now there was a story to clip and save!  I felt bad throwing out all these things that ED felt important enough to save. It had to be done.  I wish he had family.
 
Stacks upon stacks of clippings I read.  Why?  I don't know.  I felt it was needed and for respect to Ed.  "Polka Band At Barnies"  "10 Cures For The Blahs".  Hmmm. Here was another clipping of the girl being scared by a wolf.  What is it with wolves?  I had to read the article.  A girl visiting a friend at the lake said a wolf was in the house and scared her.  When asked about the details, she couldn't remember anything because she was too scared.  The article went on to say that it was likely that she was making the whole thing up to go home.  Wolves had not been sighted locally in a decade.  I had to agree with the article.  I knew what home sickness was.  I remember going on a girl scout outing and got a big case of home sickness.
 
I continued sifting through everything.  The dust was causing my nose to itch.  I gave in and decided to open the window for some fresh air.  Struggling with the latch, I finally got the damn thing to move.  The window swung open and a swoosh of fresh air poured in.  Ahhh, that was nice.  Lilac.  Mmmmmm.   I took a deep breath taking the sweet fragrance of lilacs fully into my nose.  The wolf stared at me!!!  I could see him in my mind. Watching me. Every move I made! I pushed the thought out of my head and busied myself with work. In the back of my head I knew I was alarmed.  More newspaper articles.  I found a picture tucked under a can. Wiping the dust from it I could see Ed near the lake with a dog.  Ah, he had a dog.  It looked mostly German Shepard with something else mixed in him, maybe husky.  Pretty dog.  Thinking real hard, now I faintly remembered Ed having a dog. He was a pretty dog.
 
I took the last pile of junk out to the kitchen table and sat down.  I had to get out of that dirty room.  In this pile there were lots of old pictures.  Most of them were brown and curled.  More pictures of Ed and his dog, Ed in his canoe, people I have no idea who they were. I think there was even a picture of me.  It looked like me.  Me, many years ago!  As I went through the pictures, little pieces of my visits here surfaced. I do remember the lake.  I do remember the hammock.  I do remember Ed's dog.  I do remember eating hot dogs cooked on a stick. How could I had forgotten all these wonderful past memories?  I even vaguely remembered eating breakfast right where I was sitting in my nightshirt and robe, and Ed opened the porch screen door to let his dog in and telling him to lay down in the mud room saying: "You been out all night with the ladies, haven't you?", closing the door shut.  "He can sleep it off", Ed suggested to me.  Usually Ed would take the dog with him to town.
 
I was hoping not to have to come back again tomorrow, but obviously, I needed some cleaning supplies in town to clean up.  I should be able to finish by noon tomorrow and be on the road back home.  The light was fading anyway.  I needed to close that stubborn window in the mud room first.  Although still musky and dark, the fresh breeze did air the room out.  Reaching for the window above me, a big breeze swept through the small opening. The breeze filtered through the lilacs resting against the side of the cabin outside, pouring the strong sweet aroma of lilacs through the window onto my face.  Immediately, breathing it in, the WOLF appeared!  Triggered by such a strong sense, my mind created this wolf looking at me. I pulled back from the window. Another breeze swept over me. Another gulp of lilacs flooded my senses. The WOLF! Again, in my head.  I closed my eyes.  Trying so hard to not see him.  There he was.  His big face.  His teeth!!!  My heart pounded!!  Tears welled up in my eyes.  So intense the feeling.  I leaned back against the pantry top, trying to compose myself.  Another brush of lilacs spawns more emotions... more memories.  This room!!  This ROOM!  It was all too familiar.  I KNOW this ROOM!  I know it all too well!!!  Oh no!  NO! I had forgotten.  For so many years!!!  I pushed it out.  This ROOM!  This room.  I held my face in my hands!  Sobbing. Nobody believed me. They said they did, but I knew they were laughing behind my back.  I know I was little.  But I wasn't lying!
 
This ROOM!  The smell!  My heart was beating in my throat.  I couldn't stop it from beating faster and faster! NO! Memories.  Memories flooding back.  Nothing stopping them. Why now?  I snapped my head to look down the room.  That face, laying on the dog bed.  That face!  Big face. Eyes staring!  Teeth snarling!  It was like it was yesterday.  Sobbing.  I just came in here to get more cereal.  Uncle Ed left for town.  I squeezed in the door so Wolf wouldn't get out.  I was reaching for the cereal when he barked!!! He scared me.  He started growling. He was in front of the door.  I couldn't get out!!  He was staring at me.  His eyes scared me.  He showed his teeth as he sniffed my way.  He got up and started walking at me!!!! NO! What was wrong with him??  Was he hungry?  Before he got to me, I threw the cereal on the floor. He started to lap up the cereal.  I couldn't get pass him!  As he gulped down the cereal he snarled for me not to come near.  I was crying. Terrified.  I backed up as far as I could go until I stumbled over the bags of potatoes on the floor. Tears streamed down my face.  I had NO place to go!
 
I looked for a place to go.  I couldn't climb up, it was too high!  I crouched down looking under the bench. If I climb over the potato bags I could hide under the bench behind them??  I looked back.  He was staring at me.  Sniffing.  The cereal was all gone. He snarled showing his teeth.  He was going to eat me up!! He took a step at me.  His teeth showing, his nose sniffing.  "GO AWAY!" I cried.  He growled.  I quickly turned and tried to crawl up the potato sacks.  He barked! Then he snapped at my feet.  I was struggling to get up the bags.  They kept falling.  He snapped at my robe biting it, gripping it and pulling it.  He shook his head tearing the bottom of my robe.  I violently tried to crawl up the sacks.
 
OH NO! Memories flooded my soul. NO! I was overwhelmed with emotions. With guilt, with humiliation, with disgust, with anger.  I remembered!!!  All of it.  My legs kept slipping on the potato sacks.  His cold nose shocked me when it pushed against me.  He roughly shook his nose between my legs, sniffing violently.  I could feel him breathing and sniffing me in.  He pushed his nose so hard against me. I was terrified he was going to bite me.  He sniffed. I tried to get away. Over the sacks.  I was trapped.  His tongue licked me.  I froze and shook as his wet slimy tongue glided over me. He wouldn't stop. He'd push his nose and lick. His licks got faster and faster.  OH GOD! These horrifying memories! I was crying. Crying for remembering and crying feeling so bad for this girl, who was me.
 
To my surprise, he slowed down to almost stopping.  I thought, here is my chance. With all my strength, I tried to climb that small pile of sacks.  The potatoes hurt against my belly. They kept slipping around.  I couldn't get a hold.  He GROWLED! I laid still. Maybe he will just go away.  I laid there frozen.  My arms and upper body almost over the top of the pile of sacks, but my legs and bottom half not able to get over.  He sniffed, pushing his nose between my legs, still licking.  I cried.  I could hear his panting. Then the crush of his body came down on top of me!!!!  It knocked the wind out of my lungs.  His chest buried into my back.  His front legs gripping my body.  His whole body jerked up and down. I had NO idea!  His tongue by my ear, his heavy panting.  I felt it!  Cold and wet!  It was not his nose, obviously.  NO! His body moved violently.  This cold, nasty, wet thing touching me when he hunched upward.  My struggle to get away and his thrusting, exposed me from my nightshirt and robe.  My bottom was exposed.  I tried to struggle away, but his weight was unbearable!!!  I cried.  I couldn't move.
 
His legs clenched me.  His hips thrusted.  With every touch of his cold "thing", he smeared more of his nasty wetness on me.  I laid, frozen.  It kept hitting me over and over again.  He gripped me tighter.  I felt him against me, more and more, until he was pressed against me.  His violent thrusting never stopped!  He took my breath away with every thrust.  Then I felt it!!!  He was pushing it into me!!!!   He wouldn't stop!  It hurt! It pushed and pushed and pushed!  It went in me.  He was inside me!!!  I tried to move but I couldn't.  He thrusted and a sharp pain went through me.  I cried. NO! It hurts!! His legs gripped me and his body humped.  His thrusts became harder and more violent.  I felt it moving in and out.  I wanted to die.  He thrusted and thrusted and thrusted!  His panting right next to my ear.  He was doing it so fast!  Thrust, thrust, THRUST!  Then I felt it!!! It felt like I was going to die. He filled me with his vile sperm.  I thought he was never going to finish.  I waited and waited, clenching my eyes shut.
 
I laid there.  Wolf on top of me.  He stopped moving.  One motion and he was gone.  I could breathe!  I took a deep breath to fill my lungs.  The sweet smell of lilacs was the first good thing I smelled.  I laid there exhausted and terrified  I couldn't move.  I dared to look back over my shoulder.  On his bed was Wolf.  Sleeping!  I recall struggling to get up and slowly working my way to the door.  Wolf never budged.  I slipped out the door.  I remember curling up in my robe and blanket on the couch, waiting for Uncle Ed to return.  I guess I fell asleep and when awaken, those memories were lost in my dreams.